The ABC's of Clinical Depression

Something only a few of my closest friends know about me is that years ago I was diagnosed with chronic clinical depression and generalized anxiety disorder. It's something that began in my teens, but wasn't managed with medication until my early 20's.
There are entire blocks of my life that I cannot remember, starting with my freshman year of high school.
Depression is cyclical, at least for me, but the dark days can last for months. It wasn't until I was 21 that I sought help for the problem. It was something my parents did not understand - nor did they believe in it. For someone who has never experienced it, it's difficult to understand why someone afflicted with it simply cannot just "snap out of it".
I have a terrific doctor who sat me down about 8 years ago and plainly told me that I needed to accept the fact that I would be on medication for the rest of my life. This after many stops and starts with medication that I always stopped taking after I started to feel better.
Diabetics take insulin. I need anti-depressants and anti-anxiety meds to stay healthy. It's just a fact.....and one that I have finally come to accept.
For years I've been stable thanks to finding the perfect cocktail of three separate daily medications. I'm sure it's how I got through my father's illness and death.
In mid-August, I began a workout program that made me feel really great. Better than I'd felt in years. It occurred to me that perhaps my depression had more to do with a lack of physical activity than anything else......and since I was feeling so great......and since I had to come up with a lot of money for John's return to school......well.......I just decided not to renew my ridiculously expensive prescriptions.....at least for awhile.
Stupid, stupid, stupid.
Needless to say.....it ended in a crash - a big one. Monday I woke up and knew I had made a terrible, terrible decision. I was a mess.
I immediately called the pharmacy for refills and started taking them right away......but it will likely be weeks before I am back to normal. I don't know why I ever thought this was a good idea. But I'm getting better......and I needed to put it down on the blog so if I ever think of doing it again, I can remind myself......the answer is NO.
Onward.