Bullies

A few days ago, I finished Jodi Picoult's disturbing yet fantastic book, Nineteen Minutes - the story of a teenage boy who, after years of humiliation and victimization from the school's more popular crowd, went on a 19 minute shooting rampage at his high school, killing ten and wounding many. The story gives a unique perspective, moving back and forth from past to present, to show how a fragile, sweet young boy slowly turned into a killer - and the aftermath for his family as well as the victims. A story like this cannot have a happy ending, but it certainly ended in a twist I didn't see coming. Well worth the read.
The subject of bullying has been at the forefront of my thoughts off and on for years, especially after my own son, Devon, was the victim of unrelenting harassment at John Marshall School throughout the 2nd grade.
Devon went from being the most popular boy in class to the most persecuted almost overnight, thanks to a small group of boys who decided they no longer liked him, and were making it their mission to ruin Devon's life. Every week it was something new. He came home with a split lip, a black eye, bruises and lacerations, and was even stabbed in the back with a pencil - leaving a scar that he still carries both inside and out. An involved parent, I spoke with teachers, parents, administrators, and friends to try and get the bullying to stop - all to no avail.
"Kids will be kids", I was told.
"Kids need to learn to handle bullying - it's a rite of passage," I was told.
"Every kid puts up with it - it's just the way it is these days," I was told.
What bullshit.
I can remember every single instance of the bullying I was myself subjected to in school and I can tell you without a doubt it did not make me a more confident person. The thought is ludicrous - one perpetuated by administrators and parents who are all a part of the problem themselves.
I read a startling fact recently: that a single, serious incident of bullying is as psychologically damaging to a human being as a sexual assault.
Think about that for a minute. As psychologically damaging to the human being as a sexual assault.
Incredible? And true.
For Devon, we had our happy ending. I pulled him out of school at the end of the year and sent him to Montessori, where he is happily on top of the world and has never since been the victim of such treatment. Where he once complained of stomach aches, headaches, and other vague illnesses in an attempt to get out of school, he now bounces out of bed every morning and can't wait for the day begin. What a difference it has made.
I wish every parent would read Nineteen Minutes - and give some hard thought to how they are encouraging their own children to behave. Likewise, parents need to know it's okay to stand up for their kids. As parents, we need to be advocates for our children.
After all, if we don't do it - who will?