Gotta love vacation. The weather was crummy most of the week, but today was beautiful. I spent most of it lying in the pool on a floatie with a book and a beer. (Love the new Leinenkugel's Summer Shandy......mmmmmm!) Made a great dinner, and had my ass thoroughly kicked in basketball by my 4 foot 5, 10 year old son. Nuts.
Too much time on my hands always leads to melancholy, and today was no exception. Floating in the pool, I couldn't help but let my mind wander and take stock of my life and how things can fall apart so easily. It seemed only yesterday I was happily making plans for the rest of my life.....happy in my relationship, happy in my career choices....and in a flash, fifteen years passed by and I find myself increasingly dissatisfied, filled with regret, and seemingly powerless to change a thing.
Maybe I'm just tired of having to be so independent. Maybe I'm just a coward who can't take a stand......maybe I'll just never grow up, never stop wanting change. Whatever it is, no amount of burying myself in work is easing the knot in my gut. The one true thing I know is that I love my children, and dread the day when they leave me for college.....the silence in the house will be deafening.